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And the winner for the TOP underrated track (in my clearly humble opinion) off of Secrets I Told to a Sound Hole is… “Secrets I Told to a Sound Hole”!!

I chose this song as the title track for my album with good reason.

Actually, as soon as this single phrase came into my head, months before I was even thinking of releasing an album, it felt very special to me. The internal rhyme and alliteration made it catchy, it was unique, and it was such a striking representation – both literally and figuratively – of what I do and who I am, at least at the moment. The most literal way I think of the image is writing your deepest thoughts and feelings into a song and singing it into a guitar. The merch logo for the album (as seen in my website banner and my T-shirts) depicts this directly.

More deeply, I saw it as an indictment of myself for keeping a lot of those deepest thoughts and feelings only as secrets told to a sound hole, bottling them up due to my own anxieties, and not giving anyone the chance to accept them. For the purposes of the album, I was really thinking specifically of my passion for music and my dreams surrounding it, since that’s what the album is about. It’s not like I never talk about that, of course — actually, some people are exhausted by my talk of it! But as I wrote more songs and mulled over my relationship with music, I realized that I kept some of the darker, more pathological, or in some cases more embarrassing parts of my dreams and my passion for music a secret, but they were probably the most interesting. And how did I know there weren’t others just like me if I had never put my true self out there?

That’s what this song is about. It’s about coming clean on all the most unseemly aspects of my relationship with music. How the emotional intensity of certain songs makes me physically sick in my gut, but that sick feeling from those songs is one of the most important comforts in my life. How music is probably the only thing that ever really draws me to a person, and to be honest, if I could have a relationship with music itself and cut out the flesh-and-blood middleman, I probably would! Just how much I need this to work, how hungry and desperate I am…

The latter part of the song is all about my ambitions and how they permeate my lifestyle above everything. I’m someone who has spent a lot of time in bars and clubs since I was 15 or 16, even though I don’t really like drinking or being around lots of people, because that’s where the music is and I was always drawn to the music. Now, older, with many music-loving and musician friends and peers, I’m still usually the one person who’s the least party-hearty and the most serious about music. And for just one moment in this one song, I finally allow myself to embrace that combination rather than feel socially inferior. My love for music is pure and my ambitions are grand, and tough as it is sometimes, I would never let a little bit of social anxiety or awkwardness ruin that.

For the record, the second person from “hoping that you will notice” mainly refers to record labels and other potential partners, and the idea that maybe they could help boost up and vindicate me if only they would notice and care. (Of course, I’m not naïve, I’m actually very well-educated about the music business, so this is not the whole of my feelings about the music industry. For a more comprehensive picture, you’ll just have to go back and listen to the rest of the album!)

What I’m most proud of regarding this song is how well I feel it captured the all-consuming nature of my passion for music, and the desperation that I often feel about it. I thought that my word choices did a good job of capturing that emotional intensity.

Suffice it to say, this song contains a LOT of my most important sound hole secrets. That said, the reason I chose it as the title track is that it’s also intended to be a microcosm of the whole album. I like to think that each song is its own self-contained, music-related secret that I previously kept between me and my guitar, and am now bravely sharing with the world. Think about some of these titles: “I Don’t Want to Play Sudoku Anymore,” “I Want to Marry Music,” “Live Music Makes All My Decisions” [a CD bonus track previously released separately], etc. If you really want to know all my secrets about music, you’ll have to listen to the full album, but this is a pretty good overview.

LYRICS

Just once I want to get drunk and tell the truth
Just once for you to stumble on my unlocked diary
Or maybe they’ll all just come out and announce themselves
The secrets I told to a sound hole

If you could catch a glimpse of just how I feel about music
You would say that it was sick, and perhaps it is
Because when the music brings that hollow pang, that’s how I know I’m all right
Try to understand, but how could you understand?
It’s not just shitty job savings that I can’t help but invest
It’s my blood and my body and my very will to live
I’m taking bets on myself and keeping all of the risk
Because I know the well-trodden one’s a fruitful path
But all that I can see is hopeless, empty black

Just once I want to get drunk and tell the truth
Just once for you to stumble on my unlocked diary
Or maybe they’ll all just come out and announce themselves
The secrets I told to a sound hole

I used to ask myself when I was young,
Do you really think you’d be one of the lucky ones?
Is this a means to being cool, or is it true love?
But it made no sense to question
Because music was my only definition of cool, whether a dorky music teacher or a rock star
Try to understand, but how could you understand?
I want to talk shop with my heroes, I don’t care about their clout
Long as they know what I’m talking about
I’m just looking for the people who can make a worthy sound
Because if this guitar could serve my every human need
Then it would be the sole companion that I would ever seek

Just once I want to get drunk and tell the truth
Just once for you to stumble on my unlocked diary
Or maybe they’ll all just come out and announce themselves
The secrets I told to a sound hole

I’ve made it just onto the edges of the inside, where I just might stay
It’s hard to break through dressed in baggy jeans and dated, faded tees
But I never looked good in those stupid hipster clothes
I’m not the life of the party because I didn’t come here for the party
I came here for the music
Try to understand…

Sitting in the corner alone
The only one here who isn’t staring at a phone
Hoping someone will notice that I’m so serious
Because what you realize when you grow up
Is that it’s not about who’s the dork and who’s the punk
It’s about how you’re living your life
And I’m trying, I’m trying, I’m trying
I’m trying to be the one who lives it right

Sitting in the corner all alone
The only one here who isn’t staring at a phone
Hoping that you will notice
Because all I want to do is just to sing one song for you
And if I should fail, I’ve got no problem just getting back up
And getting back in line

Just once I want to get drunk and tell the truth
Just once for you to stumble on my unlocked diary
Or maybe they’ll all just come out and announce themselves
The secrets I told to a sound hole

I’m not the life of the party because I didn’t come here for the party
I came here for the music.

This is a deep, deep, deep song about posers. Okay, maybe I just like the acoustic punk sound – it’s one of the rare times one of my songs has actually sounded like something I might go out of my way to listen to! (Ha, is that bad to say about my own work? Probably!)

As with many songs I write, the seed for it was planted a long time before I actually wrote it. It began with an image that popped into my head of a 30-something man with, yes, scuffed up boots that he didn’t scuff up himself, because he got them from the thrift store and had actually never physically worked hard in his entire life. I let myself have my negative, critical daydream about this guy. He was on the NYC subway, on his way to a big protest, I think. He was dressed like a punk and paid lip service to loving punk bands (only the cool ones, of course), but didn’t listen to them when no one was watching and didn’t know the words to the songs. He constantly spoke and tweeted about politics, but he’d never actually read a single full-length political work – he only read ideological manifestos and persuasive pamphlets and regurgitated the talking points back.

He made me think of all the fake, holier-than-thou posers I’ve ever met at punk shows or had online arguments with. And eventually I daydreamed about him so much that I had enough material for a whole song! The light bulb moment when I knew I was ready to write it (I love those moments!) was when I thought of the line, “What did you mean when you said that you wanted to be free?” It tied the entire song together. Freedom is a common political ideal that punk types (and others) of many different persuasions like to toss around, but what does it really mean to them? If you let the scene make your decisions for you and you feel obligated to say and do things you don’t really mean in order to score points or just to fit in, are you really free at that point?

The best-loved quote of the album (according to a highly scientific poll of 10 people on Facebook) comes toward the end of the song: “For the love of all that’s good in the world… start something.” (I actually put that on the back of my T-shirts to give the people what they wanted!) And after that line, I may have fancied myself the hero just a little bit. After all, I wear basic, uncool clothing and I scuff up my sneakers myself, so I’m obviously exponentially better than scuffed-up-boots poser man.

My favorite aspect of this song is that, to me, I did a good job of painting a vivid picture of precisely the man I wanted to portray. My hope is that you, too, can close your eyes and see him sitting there on the subway with his scuffed up boots, denim jacket, and smug face, looking all punk and intelligent, but you’re in on the secret that it’s all for show.

[Fun fact, especially for anyone who’s been paying attention since the beginning of my journey (thanks, by the way!): I consider this to be a 1000000x improved reworking of another song I attempted to write on a similar topic during my Throwaway Song of the Week project, which I will NEVER name or share because it’s crap and you don’t need to hear it; you’ve got this one now. Just trust me on that. But I’d be happy to give a prize if anyone can tell me the name of that song!]

LYRICS

He wears scuffed up boots of the most honorable kind
But he found them that way at the thrift store
He speaks fresh insights as if they came from his own mind
But they came from manifesto pamphlets on his floor

And to go with his boots, he wears a denim jacket
With Crass, Propagandhi, and Black Flag patches
When you see him, you think he must create a lot of art
When you see him, you think he must work so hard
But he never created a thing but for derivative work
He works hard at his image, makes creative friends, and claims what they earn
But man, what did you mean, what did you mean,
What did you mean when you said that you wanted to be free?

He wears scuffed up boots of the most honorable kind
But he found them that way at the thrift store
He speaks fresh insights as if they came from his own mind
But they came from manifesto pamphlets on his floor

And to go with his boots he’s got some shiny doctrines
Always retweeting quotes from nineteenth century authors
When you see him, you think that he must read a lot of books
When you see him, you think he must do so much good
But he never seems to show up when he’s called on for support by his friends
And he only shares his views in rooms where everybody agrees with him
But man, what did you mean, what did you mean,
What did you mean when you said that you wanted to be free?

He wears scuffed up boots of the most honorable kind
And yeah, boots may lack the memory of the lives they leave behind
But how can you just pick up where someone else leaves off?
For the love of all that’s good in the world… start something

Because the world doesn’t need another hero
Who thinks he can buy the appearance of merit
It needs someone sporting sneakers that she scuffed up herself
And a wardrobe consisting of jeans and a T-shirt

Because I think what’s cool is being relentlessly you
And I think what’s punk is letting yourself be the judge
And I think that free means having no one to please but yourself
What did you mean, what did you mean, what did you mean?
If you want to be free, if you want to be free, if you want to be free…

For those of you who don’t know (you must be new!) a big part of how I gained my confidence and made achievements over the past couple of years was playing the Salty Dog Cruise. The organizers never invited me (pretty sure they have no idea who I am, actually). But in 2016, with little experience under my belt at the time and absolutely no idea what to expect, I came prepared with my guitar and a list of cover songs I knew how to play and cruise theme songs I’d just written (inspired by the 2015 cruise I attended sans guitar). I wandered around the ship and private island offering free songs to anyone who would listen. From the start, it went over extremely well, much better than I expected. People loved the “free songs” thing, especially when it was new.

That weekend is still by far the most gratifying experience I’ve ever had with my music so far. I became the unofficial cabin show opener for Will Varley. Beans on Toast listened to a couple of my songs with my friends in my cabin. I got to sing for a group that included Frank Turner in a friend’s cabana on the Sunday morning. And to top it all off, on that last night, when Frank broke a string and I came to the rescue with my guitar, he let me borrow his audience to sing one of my cruise songs, and then I got to stay up and sing with him! (Pretty much the entire saga is viewable here.) I got to be on top of the world for a weekend and it was absolutely perfect.

When I did the “free songs” thing again in 2017 (and Frank and a lot of his fans were gone), the response definitely wasn’t as overwhelmingly enthusiastic, but I still sang for small groups here and there; made everyone cry with my new song at the welcome party (thanks to Marnie for the invitation); started a pool singalong and two Frank Turner singalongs (complete with Flat Frank) on Kit White’s balcony (one of the best people on the boat – RIP); and this time instead of Frank, it was Beans on Toast who let me borrow his crowd for a song. (You can see all the footage from 2017 here.)

Anyway, this is all just to say how much this cruise has meant to me and how great it’s been for me. In 16 days I’ll be bringing my music to it for the third time and, just like before, I have no idea how it will go! I thought it would be nice to finally release my cruise songs for streaming and (free) download. Of course, I didn’t have a studio budget for this, but I did my best. You can download for free or donation on Bandcamp, or you can stream on YouTube (lyric videos) or Spotify below:

Lyrics

1. THIS AIN’T YOUR MAMA’S BAHAMAS CRUISE

Before you ask your mother what went on
On her cruise to the Bahamas
Just ask us instead
Because your mother will certainly be wrong
This ain’t your mama’s Bahamas cruise

There’s music that makes us want to dance
To be Irish, to take a chance
A cruise for the fucking punks
If you’re not fucking nuts about music then get the fuck out while you can
This ain’t your mama’s Bahamas cruise

Don’t forget to sign up as a marrow donor with Rob
All you have to do is swipe your cheek with a swab
And donations hurt less than tattoos
Real punks care what’s outside their tightknit mob
This ain’t your mama’s Bahamas cruise

Have you looked up everything you can do inside?
It’s more than drunken hot tub shows that made us cry
You’ll never, ever get bored
It’s good it makes a good last supper because I can’t promise you won’t die
This ain’t your mama’s Bahamas cruise

Someone’s probably getting lucky while I sing this but that’s all right
There ain’t no sea that’s ever shone, will ever shine this bright
This ain’t your mama’s Bahamas cruise

2. SWAG SONG

What keepsakes do you have from the very best time of your life?
I’ve got countless treasures I can hold to remember mine
Whatever you can think of I have…
T-shirts, buttons, rings and bracelets, magnets
Stickers, bottle openers and lanyards
Different kinds of wearable shamrocks and candy

I’m blinged out to the max with festive crap
Wearing it from head to toe to wrist to waist
Still I think my suitcase handle’s gonna snap
But I don’t care, I’m keeping all I can of this place
This is the swag song, yeah

I’m going home with drawstring bags and condoms and kazoos
Postcards, poker chips, temporary tattoos
Door hangers, shot glasses, picks for my guitar
Hand crocheted things, oh how time consuming they are
Dog tags and beer koozies, soap poured into molds by the very best
And if we’re really lucky, authentic leprechaun vests

3. ALL BECAUSE OF THE BOAT

Do you remember the second year?
I dragged this beat-up guitar everywhere I went for three days
And the results were so clear
What couldn’t I achieve now that I had found my place?
But everyone knows that the highlight
Was a broken string at a drunken Love Hope Strength show
I got to sing with my favorite singer that night
And I got support from people I didn’t even know
The greatest things that could have happened, happened on this cruise
And I’m bolder for the lesson that dreams really come true

And it’s all because of the boat, it’s all because of the boat

But would I even make the top 10
Of incredible ways that lives have changed on this boat?
Every time we meet I get reminded again
Of people boarding after losses, after losing all hope
The one love spirit heals many scars
And gives us courage to chase the adventures that we need
Whether you’ve found new love or found who you are
Don’t leave it behind, take it with you when you leave
Doesn’t matter if you call us friends or family or a tribe
It’s a bond that can’t be broken and it makes us feel alive

And some of you are close friends and some I may never meet
But I want the best for each of you and I know you want the same for me
So here’s to me, and here’s to you
Here’s to the weekend and here’s to the future
Here’s to another 20 years of love and adventures with you